I posted this guy last year, but I couldn’t think of anything more creative to post for Passover 2012.  Please enjoy…AGAIN.  Happy Passover, y’all! 

Tonight marks the first night of Passover.  Jewish folks all over the world will sit down this evening to have a traditional Passover seder with friends + family. 

For those who are unfamiliar with this holiday but curious about it, the Q+DD is here to help!  I’ve put together a Passover “quickie” guide below (many thanks to Slate.com) for your reference covering all major seder points.  (Fact: LK + I actually used this as our seder program two years ago.)  Check us out below with our homemade charoset.  Oh yeah, our seder was 80′s-themed.  Don’t judge…

Two key items critical to the Passover seder are matzah (unleavened bread) + kosher wine…lots of it.

So here we go…

The Passover seder, the oldest continuously observed religious ceremony in the world, tells the story of the Jews’ Exodus from Egypt.  Jewish tradition says that people of each generation must imagine that they personally departed from Egypt + the sages say that each generation must retell the story in its own terms.

(The sages probably did not intend this.)

Opening prayers:

Lighting of the candles

Blessing over the wine

Prayer over the matzah

Pour a glass of wine for Elijah.  This is NOT like “spilling some out for your homeys.”

Thanks, G-d, for creating wine.  (Drink wine.)

Thanks for creating produce.  (Eat parsley.)

Overview:

Once we were slaves in Egypt.  Now we’re free.  That’s why we’re doing this.

(Drink wine.)

Four questions:

1. What’s up with the matzah?

2. What’s the deal with horseradish?

3. What’s with the dipping of the herbs?

4. What’s this whole slouching at the table business?

(Drink wine.)

Answers:

1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry.  There was no time for making decent bread.

2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.

3. It’s called symbolism.

4. Free people get to slouch.

(Drink wine.)

A funny story:

Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning.

(Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children + how to deal with them:

Wise child – explain Passover.

Simple child – explain Passover slowly.

Silent child – explain Passover loudly.

Wicked child – browbeat in front of the relatives.

(Drink wine.)

Speaking of children:

We hid some matzah.  Whomever finds it gets a surprise.  Yippee!

(Drink wine.)

The story of Passover:

It’s a long time ago.  We’re slaves in Egypt .

Pharaoh is a nightmare.  We cry out for help.  G-d brings plagues upon the Egyptians.  We escape, bake some matzoh.  G-d parts the Red Sea. 

We make it through; the Egyptians aren’t so lucky.  We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple + enjoy several years without being persecuted again.

The 10 Plagues:

Blood, Frogs, Lice, Flies, Pestilence, Boils, Hail, Locusts, Darkness + Eliminating the Oversensitive 1st Child…OY!

(Drink wine.)

The singing of (one chorus of ) Dayenu:

Ilu ho-tsi, ho-tsi-a-nu,

Ho-tsi-a-nu mi-Mitz-ra-yim,

Ho-tsi-a-nu mi-Mitz-ra-yim,

Da-ye-nu!

CHORUS:

Dai, da-ye-nu,

Dai, da-ye-nu,

Dai, da-ye-nu,

Da-ye-nu, da-ye-nu, da-ye-nu!

Dai, da-ye-nu,

Dai, da-ye-nu,

Dai, da-ye-nu,

Da-ye-nu, da-ye-nu!

(Drink wine.)

If G-d had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would’ve been enough.  If he’d punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would’ve been enough.  If he’d parted the Red Sea…

(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)

(Eat matzah.  Drink more wine.  Slouch.)

Thanks again, G-d, for everything!  We promise we’ll remember!

SERVE MEAL. 

(Drink wine.)

The seder is complete.  Next year in Israel!

Well, there you have it.  You’re welcome + happy Passover to all! 

xx, L

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