Aug 11

Vintage Post: I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret

Note: I have had several questions regarding my self-administered fake-tanning lately, that I thought I’d bring back this post – circa this time 2009. For the record – I’d rather have someone else administer a spray tan on me, but sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. 


I’ll admit it: I suffer from bouts of tan-orexia. I will sometimes sit in the sun or frequent my local tanning salon until I am a bronzed goddess and still look in the mirror and see a pale person.

(Note: this is when things get ugly. Just before my sister’s wedding I was dangerously teetering on the verge of looking like Magda from There’s Something About Mary. True story.)


You should know the glow I crave is not something that is effortless for me to achieve. My eyes are green, my hair is blonde, my skin is…see-through.

It’s not an exact science. Mistakes are often made. Case in point: once or twice in a summer I will inevitably sport a glorious lobster-colored sunburn which I think we can all agree is Not. Cute.

I can't decide if a decent tan is worth the possible melanoma

Before someone alerts my dermy (I love you, Dr. Weisman!) or my mother, please also know I am becoming increasingly fearful of wrinkles. I have become positively m.i.l.i.t.a.n.t. about my skincare routine and tanning unfortunately does not jive with my plan to look like this when I’m 80.

Here’s the answer: St. Tropez Self Tanner!

I like the mousse. I had been using the lotion forever, but my mom recently turned me onto this air-whipped version of the same product. It is virtually blonde-proof.

Here’s the Q+DD on how to apply: First, invest in some disposable rubber gloves, this stuff is impossible to get off of your palms, and that is a fake-tan dead giveaway. I literally just slap it on at night, sleep in it, and shower it off in the morning. It doesn’t even have to be even when it goes on. The only tricky parts are your feet, ankles, knees, wrists, and
elbows.Just go lighter on these areas.

If you are lucky enough to live with someone who does not mind helping you with this application, you can enlist them to apply the product to your hard-to-reach areas, but you can also use a product such as this:

I know what you’re wondering and here are the answers:

A: It does rub off on your sheets and clothing, but washes right out.

A: As far as self-tanners go, the scent is pretty darn good. I mean, I wouldn’t trade my Jo Malone (Or L’s Brit Scent!) for it, but it’s pleasant enough.

A: It looks natural: bronze not orange! Witness the picture below from a recent “White Party,” a situation in which a tan is definitely mandatory:


Happy (safe) Tanning!

xx, L

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Categories: Maintenence,Product,Vintage Q+DD